I’ve Always Felt a Desire to Bring Myself Closer to My Grandparents’ Experiences
An interview with Alexis Fishman, 3GNY Board Member and Living Links Instructor
This transcript has been lightly condensed and gently edited.
Top, my paternal grandparents, Elizabeth and Paul Fischmann (left) and maternal grandparents, Irenke and Elemer Berger (right).
Living Links: When did you first hear your grandparents’ story?
Alexis Fishman: I can’t remember a time in which I didn’t know my grandparents’ stories. It was always just part of my identity, especially growing up in my community in Australia, a largely post-Holocaust community in which most of my friends were also the grandchildren of survivors.
The way I tell my story is unique because I tell all four of my grandparents’ stories. Both of my grandfathers survived Hungarian labor camps, though they each passed away before I had the chance to meet them. My mother’s mother went into hiding in Budapest during the war and obtained false papers. She and her twin sister dyed their hair blonde, learned the Lord’s prayer, and lived on opposite sides of the city from one another so they could not be identified.
LL: How close were you to your grandparents growing up?
AF: I had the most time with my father's mother, who survived Auschwitz with four of her five sisters. I can’t emphasize enough how rare and amazing that is. My grandmother and her sisters were on the death march out of Auschwitz before they were liberated. My aunt just couldn’t walk anymore and told her sisters to go ahead. She sat down in the snow and expected to be killed. Instead, my aunt felt hand on her back. She turned to find that it was a German soldier who said, “Girl, get up. It won’t be long now.” So she kept on walking. Soon after, they were liberated.
LL: Is that the kind of anecdote that your grandparents would volunteer, or did it take some coaxing to get details out of them?
AF: As a child, I sometimes saw my grandmother become overwhelmed by the memory of her experience. I knew she had nightmares. She would often cry when sharing the same snippets of her history. As a young girl, I let that be and didn’t ask prying questions. As I got older, I became keenly aware that I would not have my grandmother forever. I began to ask more questions and encourage her to share so I could understand her experience before it was too late.
LL: Do you think your grandparents were more willing to talk with you about what they experienced because you were a grandchild?
AF: Yes. I found that what makes us, the grandchildren of survivors, unique is the fact that we are two generations removed from the trauma. Our parents are too close to what happened and often too scared to ask questions of their own parents. As grandchildren, we have unique and special relationships with our grandparents and are bolder about asking questions.
LL: How did learning their stories shape your life?
AF: Without a doubt the lives and stories of my grandparents have made me who I am, and influenced not just my personal life, but my career as well. As an actor, it’s almost bizarre how much of my work has centered around Jewish history and the story of the Holocaust. The very first show that I ever wrote was about a Jewish cabaret star in 1933 Berlin. Later, I starred as Anne Frank in the off-Broadway show Anne Being Frank. I’ve always felt this desire to bring myself a little bit closer to my grandparents’ experiences and who I might have been if I were living in Europe in the 1930s.
When I first moved from Australia to New York as a young woman, I longed for that feeling of closeness to my history and my Jewishness. I found that being a direct descendant of Holocaust survivors was not as common here as it was in my community in Australia, and I wanted to connect with other Jewish people with similar experiences to mine. That’s when I found 3GNY, which turned out to be a wonderful community, and enrolled in the speaker training.
Above, me performing my show set in Berlin 1933.
LL: When you started telling your grandparents’ stories, what was that experience like?
AF: Incredibly gratifying. Some people find sharing their family’s stories to be too overwhelming, but I find that students are incredibly receptive and are moved by the ways in which we can lift history off the page and make it real. They hear every word and ask thoughtful questions, and I think, now more than ever, this history is relevant and important to share.
LL: Why is this work important to you?
AF: When it comes to my grandparents’ stories, the story of the Holocaust, and the history of Jewish people, for me it is not so much how they survived the Holocaust as how they survived after. How they went on to start again in new countries, form families, cook, laugh, and live. It is not a sense of “victimhood” that I identify with. It is resilience. For thousands of years Jews have been persecuted, but we are still here.
When I perform my show set in 1930s Berlin, there is a song in which I taunt Hitler. When I perform that song, I often find myself thinking, “I’m not supposed to be here, but I am.” It’s like a big “F—- you!” to Hitler, and frankly, it feels so good. You tried to kill us, but we’re still here.
If you're interested in telling your family story, learn more about our speaker training program here.